In Italics

I put down my book, look at it once more cos I always feel like it is asking me to spend some more time with it. My eyes roll and rest on the pillow next to me. I let myself be led to sleep.

As my head finds solace in the comfort of the pillow, I drift. I can hear the soft sound of the rain outside, a slight drizzle and then a little, slender downpour — like the sound of a pressure cooker, just before it whistles.

I can hear the noise down below, cars honking, autos accelerating, fueled by curses of another victim of inflation. My ears strain to listen to a song from the comp in the adjoining room, I satisfy myself with just the faint murmur of the drums.

And then I let my dream take over. It takes me back in time. Sometimes I feel, I dream just what I want to dream, like its a conscious process, like I am taking myself back to that happy place, to nice beginnings, to that space within me where I truly want to be. To a place that gives me joy.

And to a place where its just you and me and no one else. There is silence and an unsettling din, all too calm and yet chaotic, all too static and yet somehow, the world is in motion. Yes, its just You and Me.

I feel like I am walking with you, holding hands on your favorite lane, brimming with trees, beautiful darkness, broken by golden glints from the streetlights and that soothing breeze that whispers softly, but lucidly, that you belong to me. I smile.

I smile at what I feel for you, content with the fact that you feel the same for me, so what if we don't get to talk, so what if we don't get to express and, really, so what if we, sometimes bow down to circumstances — as long as we don't let the feeling die a natural death, in the process.

I wake up, half-dreaming, half sensing reality, half-wanting to go back to sleep, but in entirety wanting to be with you.

And I float in the happiness, of what I become when I am with you.

Its weird how a dream can make you forget the insecurity, the need for reassurance, the fact that one day we would stop feeling, the fact that you might not belong to me. An entire existence in that one moment.

And then, I wonder how it will be without you.

Will I have the faith to dream again?

As unsure as the 'I' in 'Italics.'

World's Most Boring Post

New Post. Blank page. Cursor blinking, waiting to transform into meaningful words. Something that seems to have become increasingly difficult. Nevertheless...
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I was watching An Inconvenient Truth last weekend. It shocked me. Global warming seemed like just another hot topic for people to discuss when they had nothing much to talk about. It became a part of those intellectual-pretentious conversations when the speaker and the listener both pretend to care. I was one of the skeptics. The documentary, which I consider one of the best, shocks the living day lights out of you. Makes you really think and that I think are signs of a brilliant documentary. We really aren't doing enough. It's definitely more than just a problem. Climate variations, weird weather transitions--cant blame western disturbance anymore. Has Bangalore ever been so hot? If we wait for the globe to wake up to rising mercury, we need to first switch off the lights in our part of the world. Like they say: 'Charity begins at home'!

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I have been working like a donkey. People tell me I am married to work. And that means I have the world's most boring husband! Not that my work sucks, I love it, just that I seem to have no life beyond it. I wish I had. The problem is, I think I have, but I am not doing much to go out there and explore possibilities. I do need a break.

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Cricket season. I am totally out of the 'league'. I used to love the game, I was what they call a 'freak'! But this whole IPL thing isn't as exciting as its being made out. I tried watching a couple of matches, dint appeal to me at all. I somehow felt like its too commercial and that it has taken the beauty away from the game. People owning teams and players on auction--sounds more like a bid-to-win reality show. Not working for me!

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Priyanka Gandhi met her father's killer, Nalini. Or did she? Does it really matter? Is that something worth debating? I am not sure. But I was thinking about all those kids who have seen their parents blowing up in Kashmir, or parents of children who lost their lives in the Upahaar tragedy, or those faceless killers that force farmers to literally go to hell. Priyanka Gandhi meeting her dad's killer is a big deal? Me thinks not.

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I am using my credit card like no man's business. I actually don't know what to do with my salary, so I spend on anyone and everyone who wants something! Yeah right, like I am Richie Rich.

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And right now, I wish I really had something to write about, cos this post is boring the shit outta me.

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Weekends are tiring. I prefer going to work. Well, I have my reasons for that! But then, there's just so much time that I wish I could travel. I wanna go to Hampi and Coorg. I wanna go to Yercaud. And I really don't mind going alone!!!! Simply cos, I don't know who would wanna come with me!

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I am reading this book called the Red Tent by Anita Diamant. Beautifully written. A story of betrayal and trials of women of a time many eras ago. (don't know if this sentence is grammatically correct, but love these words ;) ) Gives a lot of room for vivid imagination. Definitely a page-turner.

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I am also dealing with emotions that cant be a part of this world wide web. Before I give in to the urge of spilling the beans here, I shall shut up.

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I am sorry that I am so boring.

But...

Wanna travel with yours truly??

Its Only Words, And Words That I Dont Have

.... and ..... and some more ....!

I cant write. I am not able to string two words together, I am not able to make a sentence that's cool, that can make the reader go 'wow', that can make some sense, if nothing else. I am so disappointed in me. And therefore, I decided to let the world wide web know. Know that I CANT WRITE.

Not one idea, not a single idea. Was it the story or was it me? I thought and thought. Irrespective of the time of the day, irrespective of company, irrespective of the environment (yuck! environment?? See what I mean?) I only kept thinking, but no, goddess or god or whatever of creativity completely ditched me. I was sure I am gonna be thrown outta work. I wanted to go jump down the tenth floor! (even going to the loo, dint work!)

I actually gave up, well, not jumping, I really wasn't serious about that. I gave up on me. I gave up on the only thing I think I can do. WRITE.

And then I felt like shit. I cried. I know, its kinda whatever to cry. (did i just say whatever?) I pushed the story to my so-called immediate boss. And honestly, I dint wanna ever read it again. But I did, not once, but twice. What he made outta it was atleast readable.

I hate this sulky wordless post. But I had to get my writelessness out of my system. And the best way to do that was to WRITE!!

I dont believe creativity was on a holiday, somehow sounds more like an excuse. I dint try and thats that. Next time, no giving up, I guess. Cos trust me, it feels like, I dont know what it feels like. Actually I cant get the appropriate word... Damn! there I go again...

I want to suffer from verbal diarrhea.

Cluttered Output

Its been quite a while since I blogged. My last post was a month back, technically, last year! I was wondering what to write. I didn't what to do the usual year-end post, cos the year that was, was very very eventful and I wouldn't be doing justice if i were to write about just all that. And this is the worst opening ever!

I was just watching 'we the people' on Ndtv. The discussion circled around the impact blogs are creating in the world and in India as a nation. It was interesting, but there was nothing new. It was not informative in any sense of the word. It kept coming back to sex, being gay, and all those things. One of the panelists actually said "well there are some 'good' blogs as well"..so did she mean sex is bad? Hypocrisy is THE word.

I digress. its been a weird beginning, 2008 seems not so different from 2007. Not yet. I know it just started and stuff, but still.. Damn I sound like such a boring person, maybe I am turning into one. But I am surely turning into an A grade Bitch. I am fighting weird emotions, I am fighting me, I am fighting people. Basically, just not all that great. Why am I saying all this here? Cos I felt guilty about not blogging, about not writing, about not keeping in touch with a very close friend, about getting too close to someone else, about giving in to unwanted thoughts, about just not thinking clearly, about neglecting a lot of things, about being pissed with myself and the world too often.

Not over yet. About expecting too much. I watched Taare Zameen Par. I wont say it was great. It said a lot, it was different, it was moving. But, it was also dragging and too much effort was put in to make it off-beat, and it showed. Aamir Khan is a perfectionist, yes. But he is too much of himself in the second half. Darshan was pretty good, a natural actor. But again, it was a good movie, not great. The subject was worth exploring, though I felt a lot could be done.

I still don't understand men. At all. They all seem the same, but each so distinctly similar! what the hell.. I am also guilty of letting them affect me too much. I will NEVER learn.

I still don't understand if editorial is more important or marketing. is it ok to compromise for the sake of design? Why does the boss always decide how to 'cover' up the 'issue'? Cos thats why he is the BOSS?

I still don't understand how relationships work. Is being single more boring than being committed? Is it ok to flirt around? And then get emotional about it....?

I still don't understand why I listen to the same song a million times and then detest it cos i have heard it a million times..Or am I just really really weird?

I still don't understand why people talk to me and why I talk to them, why cant everyone talk to everyone else?

I still don't understand why I post something as stupid as this...

Anyway, not that my opinion will change the world, not that it is important but somewhere it has to be voiced! ;)

My journo Prof. always told me "a cluttered mind leads to cluttered output!"

Therefore... Pardon Me.

Something About Nothing

Someone asked me the other day, Tom Cruise or Matt Damon? I was submerged in Bourne Ultimatum so Matt Damon, I said.

Someone asked me, Vodka or Tequila,Vodka meant malaysia and madness, so vodka, I said.

Someone asked me, Rahul Dravid or Roger Federer, Rahul lives in my backyard, so Federer I said.

Someone asked me, apple or orange, someone else likes apples too much, Orange, I said.

Someone asked me, workshop or just work, workshop is hours of lecture, no head or tail, just mutually understandable yawns, so just work, I said.

Someone asked me, football or cricket, football is just 90 minutes of red cards and yellow, so Cricket, I said.

Someone asked me, office or college, Office is just work, work, work gossip and fun, so College, I said.

Someone asked me, tech writing or sports journalism, I cant write for long about stuff I really don't understand, so Sports journalism, I said.

Someone asked me, sunrise or sunset, sunrise is beginning of a new day, so sunset, I said.

Someone asked me, harry Potter or a thousand splendid suns, harry potter is brilliantly fantastic, so a thousand splendid suns, I said.

Someone asked me, late night dance party or a long walk, two left feet, so long walk, I said.

Someone asked me, facebook or orkut, gmail I said.

Someone asked me, Tiramisu or Dairy Milk, Tiramisu is yum, so Dairy Milk, I said.

Someone asked me, mail or msg, virtual is not real, so Talk, I said.

Someone asked me, boy friend or just friends, boy friend is not happening for whatever reason, so just friends, I said.

Someone asked me, single or committed, everyone is either single or committed, so OR, I said.

Someone asked me, something or nothing, I said well, nothing in particular, but I wish I could say something.

Truly Asia!

I know I know, I have been Malaysiaing to everyone ever since I came back from a four day conference from Kuala Lumpur. But I have only Malaysia to blame.

I was really neither keen nor excited about it. I actually dint wanna go. I was going through the-please-leave-me-alone phase. But that was not to be. Malaysia changed a lot of things for me.

So, the first day we land in KL and then take a two-hour bus ride to Genting Highlands which is 4500 mtrs above sea level. The roads all seemed not very different from bangalore, except that they were wider and cleaner. Cars and bikes would catch your eye for an instant. if you notice that is. We reach Genting and get on to a cable car which would take us to the First World Hotel (third world people in first world hotel hehe) It is supposed to be the fourth largest in the world with more than 6000 odd rooms. It was Massive! And people who are geographically challenged like me are advised not to venture alone.

The cable car was taking us deeper and deeper into the clouds, the green below was merging with the white above, at one point of time all we could see was mist! Pure white mist..Its so weird, we cant see when its pitch black and we cant see when its pure white...Naked truth of sorts!!

The ride over, the excitement, hardly. We are assigned rooms and told to assemble for lunch. we do as directed. I was hungry as hell. the minute we stepped into the buffet, our sensory organs started working overtime. There was food everywhere. P introduced me to this delicacy called 'Satay', its nothing but chicken on a stick, to be very very basic, doused in peanut sauce. YUMMMY...after I allowed it in, there was nothing else I wanted. It was heaven served on a stick!!!!

Post two days at Genting and a lot of work, we move to KL. Two hour drive again..We catch the glimpse of the Petronas! Beautiful..Read in papers, seen on TV, never thought I would be standing under it one day. Life!

KL has an amazing night life. I made full use of the anonymity the city gave me. Went clubbing for three nights, got sloshed, danced on the table, forgot the world..Just what I needed..

More than the prima facie experience, Malaysia taught me much more than anything else ever could. it made me question commitment in a relationship, it made me think about how true a person can be to himself and to someone waiting back home. How drunk can you get to forget or make the inebriated state an excuse to forget and give in to temptations? How can not being in control of yourself, give you freedom? What freedom?

How far would you go with a guy ( a guy you really are attracted to) who is already in a relationship? Is it just about the opportunity? The opportunity of him being available for that instant..I dont know.. I dont know whats right and wrong..do you?

Anyway, perceptions are different. Malaysia was an experience of a lifetime. On the flight bac, I brought with me a lot of memories and a few lessons learnt.

The biggest being "The most predictable thing about life is its unpredictability"....

Nothing is as true as that...

Nothing is as true as Truly Asia!

Picture Abhi Baaki Hai Mere Dost....

What happens when you go with an intention of watching 'Jab We Met', buy tickets for 'Saawariya' but end up watching 'Om Shanti Om'? You come back with a smile on your face.

OSO, as they call it, was not a movie I was dying to watch ever since I saw the promos. I thought Shah Rukh Khan looked too old with his six packs, Deepika looked too pretty, the set looked too made up and everyone seemed like they were trying too hard. I could not connect with anything. I read the review, like i always do, but I have never taken any review seriously, i have to watch the movie myself to say anything about it. And so i did!

I am not a Shah Rukh Khan fan. But he is a people's actor, he gives them what they want and he works his 'abs' off to do it! I admire him, and thats that. Or so I thought. His best performance to date for me is Swades. He was Mohan Bhargav and not Shah Rukh Khan.

Om shanti om in all its entirety celebrates Indian Cinema. Cinema with all its extravagance, illogic, cliched dialogues, manmohan desai style milna-bichadna, purely co-incidental, naach gaana, hundred costumes in one song, poor boy- rich girl, the maa and her dil, the kaash aaj tere pitaji zinda hote, the aaj se bees saal pahle (and beyond). The audience loved the 70s.

I have grown up watching a lot of seventies. So much so, that I can tell the name of the movie by just looking at a scene. I cant say the same about the 90s though. I am yet to come across an actor as brilliant as Amitabh Bachchan (Anand, Agneepath, Chupke Chupke, zanjeer, sholay, Deeewar), as natural as Shammi kapoor, not exactly 70s( Teesri Kasam,Junglee, Brahmachari, andaz) as romantic as Rishi Kapoor( khel khel mein, bobby,Kabhie kabhie, karz) , as versatile and effortless as Sanjeev Kumar ( you have to watch Koshish, Sholay, Khilona, Pati Patni aur Vo) as intense and as good looking as Vinod Khanna.

Not to forget the beautiful Smita Patil, Shabana Azmi (watch Arth, mirch masala) Rekha in Umrao Jaan and Khoobsurat, Jaya Bhaduri in Abhimaan, Mili, Guddi, Koshish and Sholay. Sharmila Tagore in Aradhna, Amer Prem, chupke chupke. Outstanding.

Also Amol Palekar with movies like Baton Baton mein and Golmaal. Naseeruddin Shah in masoom, sparsh and mirch masala. There was a bad bad villian, there was a too good to be true hero, then there was hero vs the establishment (mostly during the emergency) milna- bichadna still continues. Numerous love triangles, one very well made that I distinctly remember is 'Sangam.' My friends in school used to tell me, i need to go with the times. But i am a 70s fan and I love it.

Which is also why I loved OSO. yes, the dialogues could have been better, screenplay less dragging, but at the same time attention was paid to the details. In every sense of the word, OSO is an innovative movie. I felt it showed the routine re-incarnation drama with a million elements and that to me is intelligent cinema. You get the feel of that era, there is a subtle connect with Karz, only if you wanna see it. There is a lot of exaggerated play up of emotions, there is that trademark music.

Post-thirty years, running around trees is replaced by item numbers, the actor or the main lead has more say in the movie than the director himself. Cinema is more real but at the same time more plastic.

Arjun Rampal was superb. Deepika can act. Shah Rukh Khan looks sexy with the six packs. Shreyas Talpade's timing is brilliant. Kiron Kher's rendition of Nirupa Roy is worth watching.

Music was not bad either. The title track and 'ankhon mein teri' are songs you take with you. I also liked 'kaise naino se nain milaon sajna!'

OSO was a blend. The struggle of a junior artiste, a filmi mother, star struck Om, so much in love, the villain with his cruelty, pappu his best friend forever and the love for cinema. It was entertaining. It was colourful. I laughed till I cried. After a long time, I was taking back with me just the feel good factor. Happys Endings!

It was special cos I watched with one of my bestest friends. An evening I wont forget for a long time to come.

Tum bore to nahi hue na?

Thenks!