Monday, October 30, 2006

E-n-g-l-i-s-h Phew!

" English is a funny language, I talk english, walk english, I laugh english!", says Mr. Bachchan in Namak Halal. But I really dont understand the logic, probably cos there is none. Widely spoken, all across the globe, international language, english literature is THE literature. Weird though.
I always thought I knew the language to an extent that I can call myself 'comfortable' with it! Lo and behold! that was not to be.. We have english grammar classes almost everyday ( God is great) for two hours! Post lunch, after an amazing sound editing class, which eye( lids kept open by force and extra kaajal) in the world and which ass on earth would want to 'passively' convert sentences into active voice, is a question that begs for an answer.

Well, Iam invariably in the front bench, under our beloved Sandy ma'am's nose, who painstakingly, in her very resonant voice teaches us phonemes..umm..Phonetics! As her mouth makes an irritating "owa, as in 'world' and 'wow.. We nod in agreement, slowly repeating what she said but simultaneously acknowledging the fact that this is nothing but waste of our precious time, which we would have otherwise spent G talking! Trust me its like doing a crash course in typewriting and english without grammar, making sense alright...

My attention span is one tenth of a second and I have no patience nor the inclination to detect and disect a normal, harmless sentence into its parts of speech. I mean, for what joy?
'She is a beautiful girl' , now 'beautiful' is an adjective, i.e it describes the noun, here the noun is 'girl', for the benefit of those like me who dont know the nuances or intricacies that make this language a force to reckon with. The point is, 'She is a beautiful girl'. Period. I am not gonna say, She- pronoun-is -(?) a-article-beautiful-adjective-girl-noun! Had I been a guy the girl would have consulted a dictionary and I would have landed up in some godforsaken hospital.

I have no idea how I write without any knowledge about the auxiliary verbs, the main clause and its subordinate (Imperialism at its best, what with the main and its subordinate!) The english are a snobbish lot, after all..

To conclude, I fail to comprehend the need for these two hours of continuous brain drain, cos the only activity I actively participate in, is the passing of chits to Ree through other victims of the very same torture. Its like a 'concentration camp' wherein, all u do is sit and look at the white board as the words in circles, which are supposed to be some part of speech (preposition, adverb et al) pole vault over your head. And you wonder do I even belong here? Now, oh ma'am loves 'now', actually its 'nuf' and how is 'huf'! what the hell were thay teaching us is school?

Education system, I tell you!

So nuf I dont know huf to proceed further with my argument. Phew! too much I have written. i wrote too much, wrote is past participle of write! or written is past participle? whatever! Tenses, never mind.. U get what iam sayin?

Moral of the story: Ignorance is bliss! If u can afford it, that is.. English aint my cup of tea!

Friday, October 27, 2006

DAZED

A song half sung
A light lit dim
An unheard beat
A story begins...

Dawn to dusk
Dusk to dawn
Life is just
Destiny's pawn

Journey of a mule,
burdened back
Hunching past ghosts
in a ghastly, stuffed back

Snap,snap,snap
Sack opens
brewing memories fall
Then, here,now...dazed and lost

Oblivious of the cacophony
Rantling in my head
A constant question
An ignored thought

A call to summon
loud loud noise
Background beckons
tempting voice

I chose to be
I chose not to see
Remain forever
Dazed in glee....

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

ZILCH

Its weird. Everything begins and ends with nothing. The question is why do somethings begin if they have to end? We meet so many people in the course of a lifetime, some stick on, some pass by, some are somewhere out there but never forgotten.
One of my 'best' friends left a couple of days back. The dude forgot his phone at home and the only number etched (forcefully, unwillingly) in his memory, other than his of course was\is mine. "iam leaving for good"! yours or mine?!
That was all he said. I could only manage an "OK".. horrible.. fewest words spoken on phone, ever! But the funniest part is I dint feel a thing! should i, shouldn i?! what am i supposed to feel.. something or NOTHING??
We met for lunch. They chatted mercilessly in malayalam. I played with my spoon and plate wondering what the hell am I doing here, unwanted attachment. why was I feeling outta place with my friends of three long eventful years? anyway, we went shopping! thats one thing I dont like indulging in.. Everyone went hopping from one shop to another. Dude takes a huge pile of clothes, anything and everything he managed to find, goes to the trial room, comes out with oversized pants, tries to grab others attention but no one except me comments!
I tell him its too long, he ignores and asks others. I tell myself not to feel bad. But I did feel bad, pathetic actually.. This is the same guy who wouldn even go to the loo without my permission! Well, not really, but he was.. never mind. Finally San walks in like a breather, I am all too happy to see him. Anyway, the dude in question continues to admire himself in the mirror. I tell him "You still are self-obsessed, somethings never change" He gives me this 'whatever' look and goes about his business and I stand there looking at the mirror and the stranger standing in front of me. Nothing between us. Zero.
We, as in, all of us start giving our expert comment on movies and he tells me to watch this mallu flick that casts my favourite actor, I ask without any emotion " oh you remember what i like? I am surprised" He says " I dont forget things" ... conversation with others about how corn is too tasty continues with me standing in the middle of these newly found old people. Have i changed or have they? Or has Nothing changed..
Time to go. I offer to drop him as the rick guy has to pass our dude's place anyway. We go to book his tickets, five minutes, walking in silence towards the college where we first met. Not feeling a thing. Silence is broken:
Dude: How is your brother?
Me:(surprised) he is fine. How is your brother?
Dude: Fine. Busy with studies.
Me: Oh ok.
Inconsequential conversation between two ppl who used to talk for six hours at a stretch, talking bout nothing at all but still having said so much..
We take a rick. The auto guy asks for extra money. Dude looks at me, knowing very well I wont pay a penny more than the meter, "lets go, i will pay the extra amount" . I say another horrible "ok".. In the rick:
Me:So how come u suddenly decided to leave? (you left long back, dint u?)
Dude: Not suddenly, had been planning since three months.
Me: oh ok.. so what plans next? (yeah like he is some education minister!)
Dude: havent thought of it yet.
Me and Dude together: Will come back here only! (laughter, genuine laughter)
Silence again. Twenty minutes pass by.
Dude: Traffic sucks here.
Me:hmm..yeah it has become pretty bad. The bikes and stuff..remember Goa? Bajaj avenger? ( i kick myself for saying that)
Dude: yeah. nice bike.
Me: yeah.
Sittin half feet awayI could feel the distance of a million miles. We were struggling for words to fill our empty namesake dialogue...Back to nothingness..
Rick stops. He gets down. Says bye and walks off. I say, well, nothing.
From the shortest phone call to the longest auto ride which lasted a paltry half an hour, I couldn help rewinding the tapes of memory, washed away by time. There was.. thats the word 'was'! There was nothing, there is nothing. Still there is a void. Unfilled, probably it never will be. We begin and end with one word Zilch Zilch and Zilch.