Saturday, June 16, 2012

Some Random Crap 3

I should make this a habit instead of a one-off. There was a time when my thoughts and the corridor that leads to my laptop used to coincide. I used to think just to write. My blog meant introspection in words. I used to update it like people update their Facebooks and Twitters. 


But today as I sit and type this out I feel strange. Because I haven't been blogging or writing enough for that matter, it seems like meeting someone I have ignored for years. I feel reluctant, weirdly shy and at a loss of words.


But my random crap by design--to use a very collegey phrase--is crying out loud for randomness. 


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Kolaveri di. True, I heard it only after the whole world had downloaded it, made a million versions and moved on to other temptations. I quite like it. It's super peppy and I love humming it. But is it worth the hype? I don't think so. But people who know me will say that  I don't think anything is worth the hype.  


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Did I want to do journalism cos I wanted to change the world--I really thought I could, really--or because I liked writing? I dont know, but I think it was because I dont know how to do anything else! I feel a little lost between what I want to do and what I am doing. And then I suddenly want to be somewhere else doing something else instead of fighting deadlines and getting stuck in a time warp. 


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I've learnt that no matter where you work there'll be some madness. And a world of shit. It depends on how much shit you can take. And have the guts to let go of something you have created. Because after a point of time, cribbing about things that are not going to change wont help a fly.


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I went to Kashmir. :) It deserves a post, wont waste words here. But this needs to be said: It'll blow your mind away. And all those problems of the world that burden your tiny shoulders feel irrelevant. 


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I have traveled quite a bit in a year. But haven't had the time to blog about it. And that's a pity. Dubai, Hampi, Coorg, Lepakshi and a million stories between them. Wish I could write about them all.


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I had written half of this post many moons ago. In all its randomness, it needs to see the light of the day.

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Tying the NOT

I am quite disturbed. And I know only one place to rant: Here. I dont want to get married. I will, when I feel like it. Simple? Not really.

My family seems to think its their duty to get me married off. It's my right to choose who and when I want to marry. I dont live in Afghanistan.

There's a ceremony going on in my house as I write this. Primarily to get me a groom, because apparently I am not getting any. Luck isn't on my side or I am not fortunate enough which is why marriage-god has been evading me. So I was asked to hold some flowers--and say stuff like "Please find a boy for me quickly," or "may I get married soon " --offer it to the nine planets to get me married off quickly.

Every situation, every gathering, every outing is based on this one thing: When am I getting married? When I am tying the knot? Its none of anybody's business. But mine.

 I am not able to digest being treated like I have a disease. Is my not wanting to marry such a big problem?

Every morning I have to garland Lord Ganesha--I have been doing this for the last two days. I dont mind doing it just like that, but I was asked to do it for 45 days to get a groom quickly. Am I nothing if I am not married? What the hell has age got to do with marriage? Yes, I am in my late 20s but that doesn't mean I should get married just because I am getting old.

We prostrate after and during every big ceremony. It's respecting elders. But the elders are biased. When my cousin and I prostrated they said "Get married soon!" but when my brother did they blessed him thus, "Do well at work, may you get promoted!"

Well, I need a promotion too!! I want to do well at work too.

There's too much anger inside me right now. I am tired of this marriage business like its the only thing that defines my existence. There are other people in my family, like my cousin in Mumbai, who's two months older. Nobody is bothered about her marriage, why? The don't have an answer.

I decide when I want to share my life with someone, let someone enter my private space. I love myself too much to give up this freedom to choose just because the world wants me married.

Some more marriage talk and more jokes about it, and I'll lose it.

This post is going to hurt my family but their actions are hurting me.Each passing day.