Monday, October 30, 2006

E-n-g-l-i-s-h Phew!

" English is a funny language, I talk english, walk english, I laugh english!", says Mr. Bachchan in Namak Halal. But I really dont understand the logic, probably cos there is none. Widely spoken, all across the globe, international language, english literature is THE literature. Weird though.
I always thought I knew the language to an extent that I can call myself 'comfortable' with it! Lo and behold! that was not to be.. We have english grammar classes almost everyday ( God is great) for two hours! Post lunch, after an amazing sound editing class, which eye( lids kept open by force and extra kaajal) in the world and which ass on earth would want to 'passively' convert sentences into active voice, is a question that begs for an answer.

Well, Iam invariably in the front bench, under our beloved Sandy ma'am's nose, who painstakingly, in her very resonant voice teaches us phonemes..umm..Phonetics! As her mouth makes an irritating "owa, as in 'world' and 'wow.. We nod in agreement, slowly repeating what she said but simultaneously acknowledging the fact that this is nothing but waste of our precious time, which we would have otherwise spent G talking! Trust me its like doing a crash course in typewriting and english without grammar, making sense alright...

My attention span is one tenth of a second and I have no patience nor the inclination to detect and disect a normal, harmless sentence into its parts of speech. I mean, for what joy?
'She is a beautiful girl' , now 'beautiful' is an adjective, i.e it describes the noun, here the noun is 'girl', for the benefit of those like me who dont know the nuances or intricacies that make this language a force to reckon with. The point is, 'She is a beautiful girl'. Period. I am not gonna say, She- pronoun-is -(?) a-article-beautiful-adjective-girl-noun! Had I been a guy the girl would have consulted a dictionary and I would have landed up in some godforsaken hospital.

I have no idea how I write without any knowledge about the auxiliary verbs, the main clause and its subordinate (Imperialism at its best, what with the main and its subordinate!) The english are a snobbish lot, after all..

To conclude, I fail to comprehend the need for these two hours of continuous brain drain, cos the only activity I actively participate in, is the passing of chits to Ree through other victims of the very same torture. Its like a 'concentration camp' wherein, all u do is sit and look at the white board as the words in circles, which are supposed to be some part of speech (preposition, adverb et al) pole vault over your head. And you wonder do I even belong here? Now, oh ma'am loves 'now', actually its 'nuf' and how is 'huf'! what the hell were thay teaching us is school?

Education system, I tell you!

So nuf I dont know huf to proceed further with my argument. Phew! too much I have written. i wrote too much, wrote is past participle of write! or written is past participle? whatever! Tenses, never mind.. U get what iam sayin?

Moral of the story: Ignorance is bliss! If u can afford it, that is.. English aint my cup of tea!


pRicky said...

don't let the tenses tense you... the english dont know there own language well enough...
and it cant be your cup of tes cause as far as i know arent't we the twosome members of the bournvita mug drinkers???

Tsu said...

i go for this english class for native speakers(fun) i guess teaching english to a bunch of ppl who already know it pretty well is a task on its own. u mite not feel this bad when ure teacher jumps up and down explainin that a sentence is like a song!!! depends on the teacher. btw coke is tryin to make the evening tea break(in england) into 'coke break'

Me Thinks.. said...

@pRicky yup! definitely we are! Bournvita mug drinkers! sounds so cool!!

@tsu yeah depends on the teacher! had it been Reeba ma'am i would have enjoyed and had it been my JPEng! Sigh!!

Reema Banerjee said...

i know. i understand. i hate it too. i loathe it, i despise it, and i understand just wot others are feeling when they are put thru nuf wuf huf wuf wuf a puppy dog begging for a bone that it knows is made of plastic...i am makin no sense. and this is becoz i know its my turn to teach conjunctions. i am sure i know nuthin abt it, and that i have wasted 21 years doing zilch in english. this also allows me to make as many spelling rrors as i can and want to coz now, i am legally illiterate

Shailesh said...

we all are in same position. Nobody wants to attend Mrs. Sandy's calass. Specially after GV's class it is like hammer after eating gulab jamun.

bhavna said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
bhavna said...

nuf! i m thinking huf! to write my comment in present contineus tense
i can just say one thing we realy have a homogenious class.

mystupendoussalvation said...

yaar! for me May be its working! As U know I am starting from Zilch in English!
But still this concept of Tenses make me tensed!
One thing I can do is FORGET IT in caps!! Its may be not my cup of coffee too.Coffee because I like it more than tea! hehe Enjoy the pain wat else i can say Ya u can do one thing hehe lil tough talk to Management tht is next to impossible I knw! Keep attending!

lash said...

true. i mean i have had this problem too.. i can speak and write this but if someone asks me to pick a preposition from a sentence i fumble... i ve a problem with the spelling too.. when i write i might do it right, but if someone asks me to spell 'video' or 'belief' i mess it up terribly..

moral of the story- f the grammar and double f the spell check

ur post was funny :))

Jonnie said...

Isn't your profession very punishing when it comes to grammatical errors? And isn't education suppose to prepare you for your future ahead?
Combine the two and guess you need the course :) ... the extent of need might certainly vary ... some might not need it at all.... most might need it at some points of time and some definitely need a huge dose of it ....

The saddest situation I suppose is of the teacher who probably realizes how critical it is ... but has disinterested students :))

Pray tell me how many people know it’s “I prefer tea to coffee" and NOT "I prefer tea than coffee" ... or it's "May I come in?" and NOT "Can I come in?"

Imagine a situation where you go to an interview ... all dressed to make an impact ... you knock on the door and say "Can I come in?”!! For a journalist ... don't you lose the battle sometimes even before it begins? The worst thing sometimes is that you don't even realize why you lost!!!

I've not seen the exact same thing happen ... but yes many times I wished people learnt their grammar rules at least a little bit.... it doesn't matter when you speak cause the idea is to "communicate" ... but if its documents that need to go to clients for example ... then the smallest things matter ... and it's these few rare moments that you wished they were better equipped.

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