Saturday, June 14, 2008

In Italics

I put down my book, look at it once more cos I always feel like it is asking me to spend some more time with it. My eyes roll and rest on the pillow next to me. I let myself be led to sleep.

As my head finds solace in the comfort of the pillow, I drift. I can hear the soft sound of the rain outside, a slight drizzle and then a little, slender downpour — like the sound of a pressure cooker, just before it whistles.

I can hear the noise down below, cars honking, autos accelerating, fueled by curses of another victim of inflation. My ears strain to listen to a song from the comp in the adjoining room, I satisfy myself with just the faint murmur of the drums.

And then I let my dream take over. It takes me back in time. Sometimes I feel, I dream just what I want to dream, like its a conscious process, like I am taking myself back to that happy place, to nice beginnings, to that space within me where I truly want to be. To a place that gives me joy.

And to a place where its just you and me and no one else. There is silence and an unsettling din, all too calm and yet chaotic, all too static and yet somehow, the world is in motion. Yes, its just You and Me.

I feel like I am walking with you, holding hands on your favorite lane, brimming with trees, beautiful darkness, broken by golden glints from the streetlights and that soothing breeze that whispers softly, but lucidly, that you belong to me. I smile.

I smile at what I feel for you, content with the fact that you feel the same for me, so what if we don't get to talk, so what if we don't get to express and, really, so what if we, sometimes bow down to circumstances — as long as we don't let the feeling die a natural death, in the process.

I wake up, half-dreaming, half sensing reality, half-wanting to go back to sleep, but in entirety wanting to be with you.

And I float in the happiness, of what I become when I am with you.

Its weird how a dream can make you forget the insecurity, the need for reassurance, the fact that one day we would stop feeling, the fact that you might not belong to me. An entire existence in that one moment.

And then, I wonder how it will be without you.


Will I have the faith to dream again?

As unsure as the 'I' in 'Italics.'






12 comments:

ujju said...

you've hit the nail on the head there! Insecurities have a way of creeping up in your dreams...or if you're awake when you should be asleep, you might just blurt them out ! :D

That one line..where you say you wake up dreaming, caught halfway in reality but entirely wanting something.. i know EXACTLY what you're talking about...

Tsu said...

I think if dreams can bring us solace, bring you and me together then I in Italics is sure you should and would dream... more! :)
Cheers!
Feels good after reading this post!
xoxo

Anand Sarolkar said...

Nice One. Reminds me of the song in Guru...

Jage hain der tak
Kuch der sone do
Thodi si raat aur hai
Subah to hone do...

Adhe adhure khwab jo
Poore na ho sake
Ek baar phirse neend mein
Woh khawb bone do...

Dream on girl!!!

Prude said...

You gotta hold onto that dream and turn it into a constant day dream. Smile and know. Thats enuf to not allow you to ask that question.

Gypsy Life said...

Wow! loved the post...sometimes wonder if the charm/fear of dreams is that I also makes us invincible..and that anything is possible... dare we dream...

The Wandering Minstrel said...

do u remember this methinks...katra katra milte hain, katra katra jeene ko, zindagi hain, behne do, pyaasi hu main pyaasi rehne do...

i think will smith says in his movie 'the pursuit of happyness'...it is not happiness we seek but the pursuit of it...we never really want to reach what we really want maybe...maybe all we want to do is know that we can reach it and keep chasing it...maybe...methinks

Nidhi said...

Amzing post.. my eyes were stuck till the end!!

Tsu said...

MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!! Ok I am bored! write another one!!! :)

Prude said...

You do know its illegal to deprive ur readers for more than 10 days max at a stretch?

Please BLOG!

mystupendoussalvation said...

You say it best when u say nothing al all... Almost everyday I dream of getting back to 2006- 07, This will always be a dream that came true once in this lifetime... so no Worries... dream ko dream hi rehne do koi naam na do... cheers!!! n I am waiting for ur more blogs,.....

angelofdusk said...

:-)

mystupendoussalvation said...

When will u post? How much more time will u take? wat do u think a decade or what?? IDIOT